When I named this blog, I did so with the intent of working mostly with the writing process of my novel, which is tentatively named Salad Days. Yet, two years ago I was still under the false pretense that I was still living in the salad days of my life. If I've learned anything this semester it's that my salad days are over. I don't think I'll ever know exactly when this window closed, but here's what I've been thinking about lately.
Some days I still wake up and wonder if this is really my life. I am still astounded by the fact that I'm an RA and that these incredible experiences really happen. Yes, it's hard. That's the first thing that I want to admit to having learned too little too late: being an RA is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's the also the best and most rewarding experience I've had in a long time.
Carly Simon songs don't make everything all better anymore. I wish they would. I wish I could turn on my magic Carly playlist and let her lyrics melt my worries. In complete honestly, I don't even listen to Carly Simon that much anymore. She hasn't been in my "25 most played" for probably a year. It's a strange, strange feeling.
I have no desire to move home this summer. I know it's going to be hard to not see my family all summer, but I am ready to be a big girl and stay here in Cedar.
I'm writing with an even more nostalgia. And not a faked nostalgia for a past I can't experience, but a longing for a life I used to have and a simplicity I used to know.
For the first time, I'm making decisions dependent on my own happiness. I'm not going to go through the motions of life anymore just to please those around me. I might lose some friends in the process, but that's okay because I have the greatest friends who have stayed with me through the toughest times.
Did I mention that I have amazing friends? I have amazing people who have been with me my whole life and some who I've just met. I am incredibly blessed to have their advice, wisdom, and laughter in my life.
So, what comes after our salad days? This next stage both terrifies and thrills me. I can't wait to leave Utah, pursue my career, and become the woman I've always wanted to be. There's a lot of work to be done, but I know that my heart is ready for the challenge.
Perhaps it follows along the same line of thought that when I rang in 2010, I was sort of consumed by the thought that this was the beginning of the decade in which I would turn thirty.
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