where happiness lives

one week ago, we were in the only place on earth where happiness can be found any day of the year. i don't really understand, but there's something real about disney magic making life seem perfect and simple for a few days. i thought a lot about work, but for the most part i was content to live in a hotel room where the headboard lit up sleeping beauty castle with fireworks and stars each night before i fell asleep. i wished my mom and i could stay forever. going to disneyland has always felt like going home to me. after four days of a disney-induced bliss, it was hard to leave. missing california was only compounded by the blizzard i awoke to monday morning before work. monday was hard. tuesday was easier. today, i'm back in the routine of cc life.
one of my favorite quotes is,
"happiness is like a cloud, if you stare at it long enough, it evaporates" --sarah mclachlan
and that's exactly how i felt after being back in my apartment for mere hours. i had been living in excitement and looking forward to leaving for so long, that when it was over my heart couldn't process that there wasn't anything to be so excited about anymore. i experienced a similar withdrawal last semester: it's that same feeling when you realize that there isn't anything to look forward to anymore that is happy. everything coming is scary or sad. 
in just over 5 weeks i'll graduate and say goodbye to a lot of the best friends i've had for possibly forever. my best friend is still across the country. another best friend is most likely moving away to pursue her own happiness. everything here is changing. i'm having a hard time understanding why i'm supposed to stay and remain the same when everything that was a comfort and kept me here will be gone.
four days wasn't enough, but it'll suffice for now. i got to have just me and mom time and eat my favorite foods and do my favorite things. for four days, my life was perfect and somehow that memory is enough to keep me going until the next time something makes me "too excited to sleep."