perpetual homesickness

I'm going home tomorrow. 
It's been just a month since I was home last, but I have that too-familiar ache that is telling me I just need to get away for a while. It scares me when I feel this way. It scares me because I love my life and my job, and I keep thinking that in a year I won't be able to run away when it gets hard. And then I start thinking about all the things on the opposite side of the graduate school spectrum. Like, the fact that one of my best friends isn't going to make that transition with me, even though we've been together since preschool. And, that I'll potentially be the supervisor and the grown-up, the one who takes care of everyone-- who is going to take care of me? I'll have an apartment, on my own, in a strange city, and for the first few days, I'm not going to know anyone. And I'm scared. But, in all of that fear, I'm very excited. If I learned anything working for Guest Services this summer, it was that I can make friends with anyone in any situation. I'm ready to grow up and move on. It's the leaving people that scares me. One of my best friends lives and works right across the street-- I know that if I need her, she's right there with advice, a hug, and ice-cream. And, home is so close right now. A weekend trip home is logical. Yet, some of the schools I'm considering, and with potential assistantship responsibilities, I don't know that I'll be home for more than Christmas. I realized a while ago that one of my greatest weaknesses will always be perpetual homesickness. Crazy that I've chosen a career path that will take me to any university in the country.
So, tomorrow I have to go so I have those memories of comfort when I don't have that option. I have to leave my floor in all of its chaos and hope that all of the drama has subsided before I return. I can't fix their problems, and I don't want to, but if I could teach this group of girls anything, it would be to take care of themselves. Because in three years, some of them are going to be in my position and I want them to be this scared, but know that they too can leave and be successful. 
Alone.