next steps

i'm taking a chance and hoping that no one from my ra staff sees this blog before monday's staff meeting because i promised myself i wouldn't put anything online until after i told them, but really i'm going crazy keeping this a secret.

about a month ago i applied for an assistant community director position (very similar to the community coordinator position i currently have) at arizona state university. the start date on the application said june 29 and i was excited to have a job option along with my grad school search. my phone interview, in my opinion, went horribly and for the next few weeks all i thought about was everything i said and did wrong. to my surprise, someone from asu called me right before thanksgiving to gauge my interest in the position, let me know that i was one of their top candidates, and if my references checked out they would call me back and offer me a job. needless to say, i was ecstatic for an opportunity that i thought i had completely messed up.

so, thursday, on my 24th birthday, i got a call with a job offer. i was in my office bouncing in my chair and trying to sound calm on the phone. since the position was posted as a fall opening, i asked when i would be able to visit. that was when i was told that they wanted me to start in 11 days. after questioning the application date, i was told that it was a mistake and it had been changed and i must not have been notified. i apologized, saying i was committed to my current position. surprisingly, i was then informed that i was the top candidate for the position and that they really wanted me to come down. also, that i would not be able to apply for a fall position without re-interviewing at the placement exchange in the spring. i was shocked and i didn't know what to do. i told him i would think about it, talk to my director, and call him back. as soon as i hung up the phone i started crying.

i walked to the main office to meet with my director, but he was in a meeting that wasn't going to be out for another 20 minutes. those 20 minutes were critical. i talked to our administrative assistant and our operations specialist about what had just happened. although i was devastated, they were so pleased. they both hugged me and congratulated me and in those 20 minutes i realized that maybe this was how it was supposed to happen. i realized that in the past six months everyone i was close to at suu had left, we had hired a new area coordinator with whom my working relationship was less than perfect, we had closed juniper hall and had the other cc without a home and practically without work for next semester. it all started to make sense, despite the fact that it hurt terribly.

i've said before that my director is incredible and this experience only proved how incredible he is. when i told him that they'd offered me a job, he knew that they wanted me now. i told him what i was thinking and he said that it sounded like i had already made my decision and he very much supported me in that choice. for that moment i had made a decision, though it wasn't until after that i really looked at what making that decision meant.

four hours later, after a birthday lunch, a teary call to one of my bffs (who also works in res life), and lots of shaky conversations, i called asu and accepted the job. i start january 3rd. i feel inadequate, unprepared, and terrified. i keep wondering if this was the right choice.

monday i'll tell my ra staff and tuesday i'll tell the pro staff in our meeting. these are the moments i'm most afraid of. i remember telling my residents when i got this cc job and how much that hurt, i know that this is going to hurt even more. i love them and despite the fact that i'm not finishing the year with them, they will always be my first staff. although i know they are going to have a great new supervisor, i still feel like i'm abandoning them and letting them down. i feel like i'm being selfish, even though one of the driving factors of me accepting this was to help the displaced juni cc out.

so, on dec. 20th i'll move out of my happy little apartment and go home for a few days before i pack up my whole life and move to a city where i know very few people, a university notorious for partying, and a job that will show me whether or not i can do this for life. it's going to be a big adventure.

i hope i'm ready.