res life = chaos

for those of you who haven't figured it out yet, my life frequently parks at the corner of chaotic and emotional. that line where external forces meet my own feelings and perceptions and everything blurs. res life people get it: this isn't nine to five, go home forget the day, live normally type stuff. it's emotionally draining and i'm not the type of person to only give 98% of myself to something, so everything is personal for me.

today started out very calm. i ran late to work and my two early morning conduct cases no-showed. i took lunch at noon by myself so i could listen to music and read instead of chatting with the other acds. after lunch, one of the cas presented me with a laundry list of issues that had happened while my co and i were at lunch. two of the situations required that i meet with one of my cas regarding policies and ultimately putting her on probation. as my co and i chatted about the process, the situation at hand, and consulted our supervisor, the desk ca knocked on her office door with news that a room was flooding into the hall way. we sent her up to check out the situation and she called back reporting an inch of standing water creeping into the hallway from one bedroom across the hall nearly into the next, down the hall about 6 feet, and also seeping into the two adjacent rooms.

in a rush, we made our way to what i thought would be an exaggeration. unfortunately, i was wrong and the situation was actually much worse than i had envisioned. we could hear water running from outside, and after keying in it sounded like the shower was on. in the standing water, my ballet flats were soaked, but we walked into the room to look around. i knocked on the bathroom door as hard as i could, announcing res life, but i couldn't open the door. i felt panicky and sick and i envisioned every catastrophe on the other side. i was prepared for crazy, and i guess i've always anticipated that i'd encounter student death one day, but i didn't think it would be this early in my career. my co felt the same anxiety i did and we backed away from the door to call the police.

i left to get more keys before the officer arrived, and when i returned the situation had deescalated. the officer, though hesitant himself (and later said, "it gave me the chills. i didn't want to open the door either), had opened the door and found the toilet spraying water everywhere. maintenance came up, they extracted the water from the carpet of the hallway and affected rooms, then repaired the toilet.

everything is fine, but it really could have been terrible. we're always encouraged to "go with your gut" and more times than i can count i've revisited a duty situation, or just knocked on a door and been grateful for it. but today, my instinct was off and i'm okay with that. i'm so thankful that these students are okay. it's cheesy, but i care about them.

tonight, the water is back on, students have drying floors, and ruined homework assignments. some are angry that every article of clothing they own is wet and others should be thanking their parents for teaching them to pick up their floors. i'm home in my little apartment after an amazing evening out with the acd staff. but most importantly, there are two men i've never seen and don't know in one of my halls who are alive and safe.

i hope i never have to know what it feels like to not care this much.