bittersweet

today my heart is so full that i feel the need to cry in order to wring it of some of my emotions.

my first semester at asu is quickly coming to a close, and of course i feel like the past few months have flown by. i feel like i just got here and met my staff for the first time, but today i sat in room with all of them to say goodbye.

i know i've talked about the red string before. how there's a chinese belief that says that we're connected at the heart to everyone we are ever supposed to meet with an invisible red thread. that thread my stretch, tangle, and knot, but it will never break. as i sat there looking at the silly bunch of CAs i work with everyday, i couldn't help being overwhelmed with the realization that i was meant to meet and love all of them. they've taught me so much, and i hope i've had a positive impact on their lives. back in utah, there's another staff of RAs, whom i love and miss, closing a hall just like i'm doing here. whether they realize it or not, i'm thinking of them and missing them. i'm proud of them for all they've accomplished even though i've missed it in the same way i'm proud of everything i've gotten to see my new CAs do. they'll always both be "my staff" even though i'm constantly reprimanded for still referring to my suu RAs as "my staff."

despite being homesick for utah and having a roller coaster of emotions about this decision to pack up my whole life (on a whim) to move to a place i've never been, i'm so happy. there's nothing that is telling me that i shouldn't be here. everything says stay, do good things, make it better. i've been so ready for this semester to be over. ready for a summer to plan and prepare for next year's staff. ready for my "own" staff and feeling confident in supervising them. but today i just want one more day in this semester. i want one more staff meeting, one more dance off at the desk, one more chance to tell these people i love them. one more chance to tell them thank you for letting me be a part of their lives.

i hate this inevitable part of res life. this bittersweet cycle of loving people only to watch them grow up and move on in life because this is only a moment of their life journeys.